How to Learn a Little More About Your writer Self

The past two weeks I crossed a threshold. I joined Substack (as you can see!) and began to regularly share my writing. Just me scrawling my thoughts and musings and putting them out into the world.

Instagram has never felt like a safe space to share my words (I am sure one day I will pen the story of why) but among the calling was Beth Kempton’s #meetthewriter challenge. Fifteen days of daily prompts about yourself and writing, fifteen days of being honest in words. So in the calling I loaded up a new instagram account and I committed to the challenge.

It was such a connected experience. It felt joyful and flowing to consider the why’s behind my writer self. It was beautiful to connect and resonate with other peoples why’s too.

If you didn’t jump into the challenge I am going to share the questions and my answers below as a way to get to know me better. Then hope you jump into my comments with one of these prompts and tell me something about you (the writer) too.

So here goes:

DAY ONE - DESK - Where do you write?

There is no romance around where I write. I peel open the laptop around breakfast dishes sprawled across my dining table, on the floor by my fireside. My desk is open between children’s TV shows and bath times. I’m working on a grown up space that is mine but for now it’s here surrounded by dirty dishes, left over craft creations, crumbs and a soundtrack of Olaf wishing it was summertime.

DAY TWO - TIME - When do you write?

I write in the in-between, in the darkness of twilight, when the house becomes quiet and still. When I can ponder on words and write without distraction.

As a mama to two small people, there is a tug of war between their hearts and my desire to write. Time is often pulled away from my stories and towards them in this season of life. They win often, for their hearts are stronger. I know there will one day come a time when I can scribe onto paper all that I long to write as the sun is high in the sky, but for now, I am given the snippets in between and the dark of the night in which to write.

DAY THREE - MOTIVATION - Why do you write?

It calls me, the writing. The stories tumble into my mind begging for me to transcribe them. It's a space where after years of being who everyone else wants me to be I can be honest. Writing allows me to be me.

I love to write as it allows me to be seen, be vulnerable, and be noticed. I write because the words on the page are more me than any me I have ever been thus far. I write to let go of who the world tells me to be and allow the voice right in the centre of my being to speak.

I write to give myself space to be brave.

I love how stories and words can be like a hand in the darkness reaching out to hold yours, I write to hold even one other person's hand.

I write because people tell me I must.

DAY FOUR - CHAMPION - Who are you grateful to for championing your creative work?

The me who keeps going despite the trembling, despite the fear they might use my words against me.

I am grateful to the little voice who sings so softly and gently inside reminding me that this is good enough, it's more than enough, and some days it is spectacular.

I am grateful to the people who tell me my words are worth reading because I didn't always hear that.

I am grateful for my husband who encourages me to share my stories despite the rawness they evoke in me.

I am grateful to anyone who has taken a moment to read something I have written and felt something as a result.

DAY FIVE - INSPIRATION - Who or what inspires your writing?

The poets, the poets, the poets. I cannot begin to talk about what inspires my writing without first mentioning the poets. The David Whytes, the Whitmans the Elizabeth Alexanders, the Ada Limons, the Maggie Smiths. The beauty of poetry is woven through everything I write. I know of no better book to pick up than prose written by a poet.

Then there are the classics, Steinbeck and my dog-eared copy of East of Eden. Dickins and Austen, the C.S. Lewis who captured me early in childhood and had me fascinated with stories ever since.

And more recently there is Huma Qureshi, Debra Levy, Rachel Cusk and probably too many stunning wordsmiths to mention.

Then there are the lyricists who are deeply entrenched in my vocabulary more than I care to admit. The poems set to music inspire me muchly - think Bob Dylan, Florence, Marcus Mumford (with his Steinbeck-inspired lyrics/stories), and Kurt Cobain, the songs that make me feel deeply.

My inspiration comes from everywhere any eclectic mix but one thread ties them together - well and beautifully written words!

Day SIX - MUSIC - What music do you listen to as you write?

Over the years of having children, I have become more and more sensitive to sound, the competing push and pull of voices and calls have squandered my ability to hold music and writing together at the same time.

As my last post eluded: music is a BIG inspiration for me but alas at this stage in my life the rare moments of silence after the sun sets in the sky are luxurious pockets of stillness that allow the words to work their way onto paper.

That being said I write often in my mind as I listen to music in the car or wherever I may be. It is as though music opens the portal between the idea floating in the liminal space out there and grasping it inside of myself to help it come to fruition.

DAY SEVEN - LIFE - What do you enjoy doing when you aren’t writing?

I commune with the mountains in one way or another. Hiking. Skiing. Jumping in the lakes at their bases.

Mostly I am Mama. I am in the season of caring and servitude to my two young girls. I try to teach them to love the mountains. More than this I endeavour to try and teach them to love themselves.

We've just finished building a home and I feel that we have done nothing but build in forever and a day.

I also try to breathe when I remember.

DAY EIGHT - WORDS - What do you write?

Mostly I dabble in non-fiction. In essays and personal stories that have a narrative flow to them. I write stories from a life lived.

I write poetry akin to painting with words that etch a picture onto the mind of the reader.

I write of other worlds and fictional tales in my mind. All of which have substance but have never made it onto the page - guarded strongly by fear.

I write for work. Penning things for brands and businesses that do good in the world. You can find that me over on @alchemywordlab - This part of writer me involves blogs and love letters (aka emails) to subscribers and websites that encapsulate a brand's mission. I am blessed to work with some brilliant souls doing heartful things.

DAY NINE - TOOLS - What do you like to write with, and on?

I think as I type, I type as I think. My MacBook has been my place to spill my thoughts and words. I have files half started and files half finished. I have notes of random thoughts saved - some obscure places never to be found again, or maybe to be unearthed in many years.

It is missing keys and is slow to get going, but it has been the place that has guarded my words for years.

My mind is also a common place in which to write. In moments of solitude, I compose poems in there or craft narratives that up inside my brain.

I have a room in our new house that is pending being moved into. A writing room of my own - its inspiration lives on Pinterest boards for now but one day I will have my own desk in my own room, and perhaps an upgrade to my trusty old MacBook.

DAY TEN - TALISMAN - Are there any objects you like to have around you when you write?

Ritual and talismans sounds like the realm of a "real" writer but alas our lives have been anything but steady for the last few years and having anything that's been consistent or supportive of my craft has not been possible.

Or perhaps I lack the superstition to ascribe deeper meaning to objects and instead transcribed that way of thinking to experience instead given the lifestyle I have lived.

Now a space of my own is on the horizon I look forward to surrounding myself with things that make me feel calm and inspired when I sit down to write. To find a talisman unique to me.

No matter where we have found ourselves in the world though there are books that have travelled with me as a reminder of the power words hold. Perhaps these could be considered my talisman - my spine-broken, just holding itself together, copy of East of Eden, the precious "The Light of the World" by Elizabeth Alexander that means too much to ever lend to another. Or "The Heart of Yoga" which well and truly needs to be replaced with its loose pages and heavy annotation. These among others have been my constant companion around this wild planet of ours.

So perhaps I have a talisman in the form of books and maybe that is what makes me live in the realm of the "real" writer.

DAY ELEVEN - MOVEMENT - What movement supports your writing?

As with writing, this is one thing I feel I don't do enough of. I use it as a weapon to belittle myself. I drown myself in the shoulds and musts of what it should look like, instead of accepting with open arms that of which I am able.

I know it helps everything, movement that is, my writing, my mind, my family. I know I should scale the mountains more often than I do. I know I should commune with the snow and the sky more frequently to allow my writing to flourish.

With two small children I miss the freedom of a directionless roam in the hills. I miss the silence that follows as I roll out my yoga mat. I miss the fastness of my breath after a walk that borders on a run.

But in this season the movement that supports me and therefore my craft is whatever I can fit in. A game of chase, a race across the field, a quick workout selected from YouTube.

But I have hope of it returning in a quieter season of my life.

For now, I take the snippets that I can and call it movement.

DAY TWELVE - FIRSTS - What was the first piece of writing you ever shared publicly?

I was thrust from a vulnerable writer sharing her first words to a spoken word performer all in the same moment.

I had gone to LA to study Yoga Psychology, we went deep, we went hard, we broke ourselves open (or apart).

This was the first time I realised what I had gone through in life was trauma, and one night between study days I penned a poem "I have been to war." What compelled me to privately share it with the teacher must only be described as another worldly urge. For the next moment, she implored me to share this work with the class but accompanied by the indigenous drummer who'd come in for today's learnings. So there I was 9am halfway across the world, the drums shaking or steadying my voice and heartbeat (I'm not sure which) I spoke to the class of women I'd only just met a week ago with the words you can find on my post HERE

DAY THIRTEEN - DREAM - If you could write at a desk anywhere in the world, what would your view be like?

It would be a quintessentially English garden shed. Like Roald Dahl but with a few extra luxuries.

Down the winding path on the other side of the trees, I would look out over a garden filled with wildflowers and oak.

This view would be contained by a stone wall, there I would be writing in the middle of my own walled garden. Flanked by the mountains in the distance. The clear, crisp sky would be blue and sit high above the mountain tops. The silence is pervasive but for the sound of birdsong from the branches of the trees overhead and the flit of the bees wing visiting the rainbow carpet of flowers outside the shed door.

Time here would pass non-linearly and I would use the sun rising and setting to bookend my days.

I would see not another human only visiting squirrels and their country garden-loving associates.

From here I would create.

DAY FOURTEEN - ADVICE - Is there one piece of advice—about writing, about creativity, about life—you wish you’d been given earlier in your career?

This quote by Melodie Ramone sums it up:

"“Write it. Just write it. Write it on receipts in the car while you wait for your kid to finish their piano lessons, scribble on napkins at lunch with friends. Type on crappy typewriters or borrow computers if you have to. Fill notebooks with ink. Write inside your head while you’re in traffic and when you’re sitting in the doctor’s office. Write the truth, write lies. Write the perfect spouse. Write your dreams. Write your nightmares. Write while you cry about what you’re writing, write while you laugh out loud at your own words. Write until your fingers hurt, then keep writing more. Don’t ever stop writing. Don’t ever give up on your story, no matter what “they” say. Don’t ever let anybody take away your voice. You have something to say, your soul has a story to tell. Write it. There is never any reason to be afraid. Just write it and then put it out there for the world. Shove it up a flag pole and see who salutes it. Somebody will say it’s crap. So what? Somebody else will love it. And that’s what writing’s about. Love. Love of the art, love of the story, and love for and from the people who really understand your work. Nobody else matters. Love yourself. Love your work. Be brave. Just write.”

DAY FIFTEEN - MIRROR - How would you like your writing to be described, and why does that matter to you?

If a single soul uttered the words that my stories made a difference to their lives, then the very act of being brave enough to write them would have been worth it.

I struggle with letting go of the idea my words are enough (good enough, poetic enough, descriptive enough). If other people were to find enoughness in my words or make sense of them the way they make sense to me the fearful part of me could exhale and perhaps find rest.

When I am gone and no longer of this world, I want nothing more than for my children to tease open the confines of my notebooks and speak of the hope they find within the words I left behind. I want them to speak of how comfort coils around them as they read my stories. And that they discover a way to make sense of their worlds from whatever they find.

Deep down I want someone (me) to say it was breathtaking.

And so my lovely friends it is over to you - tell me something about yourself in the comments I would love to find out more about you x

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